What A Girl wants to say …

A young angel. A princess. Allah’s Gift. A Baby Girl.

A vacation in India teaches you a lot of things. Makes you realise that the world is not you think it is. Makes you see things which you never wanna see.

cute_baby_girl_wallpaper-t2
Courtesy: http://hdwpapers.com/

This vacation made me write about a thing that was suppressed in my heart for a long time.

There was a death. A death of a ย baby boy of around two years old. The baby died of fits (febrile convulsions). The baby was sleeping with the parents when his mom felt he had turned all cold. And he was declared dead soon.

Inna lillahi wa Inna illahi raaji’un .

The dead of the baby was sudden and it shook all the people living nearby. But the most heart-wrenching sight was his mother. A young girl of age 18 loses her first child. One cant actually do anything to console her. Its a totally different pain. For a mother, her baby is the most precious thing that she possess. Not her life. Not any materials. Its her baby.

But what made me to write this?

I am 17. She is 18. Our worlds are poles apart. And the thoughts on that point is what made me write what I had always wanted to voice out.

Here I am chilling my life out, studying and doing what I wanna do. I have freedom, no real big responsibilities. I am a student. A daughter.

There she is, a year elder, with a family. With all the responsibilities. She is a daughter. She is a wife. A daughter in law. And was a Mom!

One of the weirdest reason I have ever heard for a man’s second marriage is that he has only daughters from his first wife. Duh! Like Seriously? This is a reason?

What is the problem with having daughters?

Oh yeah. She is a burden. You have to marry her off. And marriage means dowry issues. She will not be able to look after you financially because she will be having her own family. And why teach her? Education is a total no-no for a girl. Anyway she eventually has to marry and settle down. Why waste money? And why should she earn money? She would always have her husband to support her!

Isnt that the answer?

What would I call such people? – Narrow-minded.

Amniocentesis (a test for detecting genetic disorders in the embryonic or foetal stage) is banned in India. Why?

Because of the increased no. of female foeticide. With the results of this test, we also get to know if the child is a girl or a boy.

How low can people stoop? They kill their own child just because it is a girl, an unwanted gender?! How can people be so cruel? And brutal?

When a girl child is born, the mother is blamed. Why? – Hell! Its a girl child!

Well, that girl child was better dead than born to parents who didnt want her in the first place. Why live when you are an unwanted?

And to those parents : You are the losers! The fools who let go of such a treasure!

Courtesy: spreadsalam.com

In my place, marriages are the most funniest thing to me. Gosh! I laugh like hell when people tell me about the different marriages that are about to take place, is taking place or has already taken place!

One fine day, a relative of my mom’s pops up at her home to invite us for his daughter’s marriage. And since I dunno this person(for that case I dunno anyone in India except my real close relatives!) and was not talked to, I sat with a smile plastered on and listened to them speak. Just a casual invite and some catching up. Over in a split of a second.

After he left I asked my mom about the marriage. My main interest was to know the girl’s age. And it didnt surprise me when my mom told she is in 12th or just passed out. What surprised me was the reason behind the early marriage. Anybody wants to guess? Hah. You would all fail miserably! Trust me!

-The girl has a younger sister who is much more taller and healthier than her. So she has to be married off!

You expect me to not laugh at that?

I had enough brains to not laugh in front of my mom. But the laugh did not come even when I was alone pondering over this. My heart was with that girl. What would she be feeling? Married off because she is shorter than her sister!

I felt more like crying because of her situation.

She is pushed to get married and take up all the responsibilities at such a young age when she is supposed to be free, study, curse teachers, have fun with friends and not give a damn about such marital responsibilities! She is deprived of an opportunity to study and become independent!

What do the parents really think when they marry off their daughter at such an early age? (What I mean by early age here is 16-18, I just cant even think about being married off at 13 and 14 though it happens even now. So for now I will just forget it and assume that never happens!)

* For God’s Sake she is a KID! She doesnt know about the world. About life. About anything.

* No further education. Educating her till 12th and waiting for her to finish 12th for the sake of being ‘educated’ is not what I mean by education.

My mom and me always have these arguments over getting married at an early age!

She for one wants me to get married early (Hah! Me?) like say maximum 20. And I insist on finishing my course before I get married like say 22 or 23.

Mom: :O :O 22? 23?

Me: What?

See. Whats with this people and marriage? I cant blame my mom. Its the problem in the whole society. I loathe going to relatives’ houses because there will be grandmas who seriously want to know when they are getting me married! And I go all red with anger. Its tough to control your angry in such situations and smile at them!

They give me an option though.

Mom : You can always continue studying after your marriage, you know.

Me: What if the family that I get married to is against the idea?

Mom : Well, we wont just marry you off. We check and make sure of everything. Only then will the proposal be considered.

Me: What if they change their mind after the marriage?

Mom : ย  -_-

Another Instance (old one , she has changed her stand now. And am happy she has) ๐Ÿ™‚ :

Mom: Why do you people ย actually wanna complete your course before your marriage?

Me : So that we can be financially independent.

Mom : Well, life is not all about a job for a girl. The most important thing in her life is family.

Me : Thats true. Even I agree. And who said I WANT to work without fail? I would work only if I felt so. I dont study because I wanna work. I study because I wanna gain knowledge.

Mom : You would have your husband to support you. I actually see no point.

Me (all geared up) : God forbide, What if at some point of life there is no one to support me?

That was it. My mom went all angry, scolded me for saying something this bad and gave me a lecture about how am not supposed to think of such stuff and all!

Me (ofcourse in my head) : WTH? Talking about it doesnt mean its gonna happen. And we have to think about all these situations. Its not like once you are married everything is fine.

So see the point here? Since my mom is not here I can talk. Lol!

Life is not going to be smooth. At some point of time when you dont have any support from any people, what are you going to do? You cant just quit because you havent got people to help you out. You have to stand up and face the world. And that is where your education comes into play. You have a degree you are on the safer side. Prevention is better than cure!

An ideal Marriage. Her own Family.

This is what all girls would dream of. Those are her biggest dreams.

Marriage is a new phase of life. Its a the bestest of a girl’s life.

Girls dream about their marriage. Thats just how they are and how important it is for them.

Courtesy: QueenImages

But when I look around me and try to understand what a to-be bride’s feelings might be, the perfect happiness is not what I see. There is no glow on her face. Its forced upon her. Why? Because if its late she is not going to get good proposals how much ever educated she is!

That is what I hate about South India. North Indians generally consider a girl’s education as a plus point in her. The more educated , the better! Whereas in South India its more of an AGE-BUSINESS! The more older you get , less is your chance for proposals!

Inversely proportional.

Another aspect for considering a girl as a good bride is her family. If they are rich or not?

Seriously?

Is money all that matter?

Disgusting!

And another point, Is she beautiful? ย – No? Not interested!

The girl cant choose. She cant voice out her opinions. But the boy can measure her beauty, money and character. What is she? A material to be brought?

The boy wants the girl to be beautiful. Even if the boy is not handsome, he wants the girl to be the most prettiest of all!

The girl cant decide against anything because she is got a lot to lose!

Its always the girl who is judged here!

How is that even fair?

Only if I ever had something to wash their heads off all this stupid beliefs and put some sense into their heads! Huh!

I am helpless! And that irritates me the most.

Lets all make dua to Allah, to give us all the best of men as our husbands who will love us for what we are than what we have. Who will lead us to Jannah! and make our everafter and hereafter beautiful! Aameen! ๐Ÿ™‚

Let us all be good mothers and have a wonderful family with children who are best in their characters and iman! Aameen! :’)

ย 

P.S. I love you Mom though we are poles apart on our thoughts. I never talk to my Dad about these thoughts though! Hehe! I dunno why! ๐Ÿ˜€

P.P.S : My Bio teacher would be proud of me for applying Amniocentesis here ! ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€

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4 thoughts on “What A Girl wants to say …”

  1. I totally agree with you for the most part.
    But, I would like to point out one thing. In most parts of SOUTH India, education is given importance. It is in the North that a girl is married off as soon as she hits puberty.
    In the South, for the most part, they wait atleast until she finishes 12th grade or graduation.
    But, there still are isolated cases in the South where a girl is married off when she is 15 or 16 and as I understand it, takes place mostly in the Malapuram district of Kerala.
    I for one, am glad that I was born into a family which gives more importance to education. Both my parents as well as grandparents and their families as well were well educated.
    But, sometimes, being born into such a family can be a bore too. They all wanted me to go into their respective fields and never bothered about what I wanted.
    Yet, I am glad that most of the major fights between me and my parents and other relatives are about what profession I am about to pursue after 12th, than about whom I should marry.
    I feel, marrying a girl off at a tender age is a gross injustice against the will and independence of a girl.

    1. Yup. I wud agree wid u on that.
      But Kerala is considered as the most literate state in India but still in parts of it this kind of discrimination and stereotypes continue to rule. The states in the North where these things happen can atleast be ruled out as most of them have a low literacy level. Well I totally rule them out. Even in this age of getting educated where most of them considers education really important and when they know its importance, these kind of things is just not acceptable.

      Speaking of Malappuram, I hail from this place. Who better to speak about the practices going on there than me? This is one thing I absolutely hate about my place.

      I totally understand your situation. Even me. Even though my parents are not highly educated, they consider our education the most important. I cant thank the Almighty enough for blessing me wid sucha a family. But as the INDIAN PARENTS that they typically are they want me to go for all professional courses like say MBBS- which I totally loathe. So even in my case the major fights that we have is based on what I have pursue though now its nearly come to an end with me winning! ๐Ÿ˜€

      Even me. Such injustice. Makes me all sad sad you know. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

      P.S. Happy to have a follower who seriously consider discussing the points in my post with me! I love you for this ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. There is so much that can be said about this.
    One, even though it may surprise you, the situation is comparatively MUCH BETTER than a decade ago. With a bit of awareness and all, this has reduced, earlier there was infanticide as well. Can you believe there was a time that once in every month, the village elders used to boil the newly born girl children, if they were the eldest child of the family, in hot milk… BOIL THEM ALIVE.
    I can go on and on about how inhuman this is and how widespread this is.
    But, having said all this, and at no point saying that this in any form or for any reason is right, here’s the other side. Sometimes, the mothers wish their girl child to be dead. Not because of their gender but because they will be a girl child in this country.
    I know of a person who lived abroad for two years, and is now returning pregnant. She is afraid that she may have a daughter. Neither she nor anyone in her family discriminate, however this society, culture is not fit for girls.
    I may be sounding very anti – India right now, but in this regard, I am.
    A place where 3 year olds get raped. A 2 month baby is molested.
    Then, there is the dowry. Don’t blame the girl’s family just, the men who ask for it are equally to blame., if not more. You have to understand that in a country where more than 60% population is living on day to day income, it is painful to think of marrying a daughter.
    I DO NOT condone what is going on, but honestly, I do not see it changing just by effort of the parents of the child, The mindset as a whole has to change, and fast.

    As for the marriage and education part, same reasons. If a girl is educated and umarried, ir is a THREAT to the culture, as it is perceived. An educated unmarried girl would want her freedom, her rights, her wish. And not many here are ready to give it…. So, the parents think it is best that she stay uneducated and/or get married ASAP. Also, the mindset in India is still that the men does all the earning of the family, so it is important for the parents, who have resources enough just to teach one child, to teach the boy of the house.

    All this is pitiful and shameful. Yet, it is. And it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere in the near future, unfortunately.

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