That Little Smile

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Every little smile can touch somebody’s heart. No one is born happy, but all of us are born with the ability to create happiness

Almost all our friends had left. It was just me and her left. We decided to sit for sometime, on those cemented stairs and look out for my dad and her bus. Talking was the main past time when the school was over. We stand there, over that raised platform so that we can keep an eye on the gate for our dads and talk. Just talk. Talk about anything under the roof. About how different Turkey and Malaysia were. About how two of them would go to the University Of Istanbul and how they would live there( In shaa Allah). About how I would go to Turkey sometime later in the future and stay over with them. About how much we would enjoy. About our dreams. Hopes. Moreover, about ourselves.

Both of us sat there looking at those children playing in front of us without any worries. The only thing they worry would about is how much homework they had for that day or when their dad would come to pick them up. They played without a damn in the world and that moment, I knew both of us wanted the same thing. For I saw it in her eyes. We wanted our childhood back. We wanted to go back.

Have you ever wondered how when you are a child, all you want is just grow up but when you really grow up, all you want is to go back and live your life in that blissful, carefree life where all the decision that you had to take was choosing the type of chocolate or ice creams that you wanted.

I sighed and looked at her. She was smiling. As always. Uddi. My nickname for her. I don’t know why, but I give the weirdest nicknames to people whom I love. And she was one of them. Hence the name.

‘Uddi, lets talk about something.’

Yes, but what?, she asked me.
A breeze washed upon us embracing us in a serene peace. Thats when I wanted to know how it felt.
I merely whispered.
‘Tell me how you felt when you came to know your Mom had cancer’.
I didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t want her to think about anything sad. Her Mom had cancer and she was undergoing treatment. I had come to know about this last year when she was just a new girl in my class for me. My friend had told me.She smiled. And I looked on watching the memories and emotions flashing across her eyes. I waited. And she smiled.
‘It all started when my mom repeatedly kept on falling ill. She just kept on falling ill. In the beginning we brushed it off because she kept on telling it was nothing and she was just tired. When it kept on happening over and over we took her to the hospital. The doctor said she had a deficiency in Vitamin D and hence the falling ill and tiredness. He gave her medicines for that.’ She told me, and that smile still adorned her face. Only one thing had changed. The meaning of the smile. That smile was of a girl who was strong. Who had seen a lot more. Who was a lot more than that meets the eye. But she still smiled. I looked on absorbing everything that she told me.’When it still didn’t stop, we took her to a specialist and he conducted some tests. I was in 9th then. It was just me, my dad and mom inside the doctor’s room. I saw him browsing through the reports. And then he looked up and told my dad, that he wanted a biopsy test done. All of us stilled. My mom kept on telling that it wasn’t necessary but my dad agreed. And we conducted the biopsy test. After a few days, we again found us sitting in that room awaiting the results. He was going through the results again. And when he looked up, all that we had was hope. He said, it was positive. The room fell silent. Everything was blank. The silence before the storm. And then my mom started saying ‘No this can’t be happening, no’ and she started crying. I saw her crying and my eyes teared up. The realization hit me. But my dad caught my eyes and told me not to cry. Even his eyes were brimming with tears. But he shook his head at me in a way to tell me no. He wanted me to be strong. I shouldn’t cry at that moment. I wouldn’t. No I would remain strong. I took her outside the room and consoled her. After a few minutes, there was a commotion. A nurse ran out for emergency from the doctor’s room. My dad had fainted due to high blood pressure.’
She stopped. She wasnt looking at me. Her eyes were somewhere else. She was reliving that day. I found that my eyes were brimming with tears. I wanted to let it fall. And then I looked at her, she still had that smile even though it was a small one now. Her eyes were clear but unfocused at the same time. She still didn’t cry. But I was about to. I turned my face away. I didn’t want anyone to see my tears.
“We started her treatment. Now she is done with her 4 chemo treatment and she is going well, Alhamdulillah. I had to repeat 9th because I stopped half way. And then I couldn’t study at all and my grades started to fall from then. She would be so upset. I was a brilliant student. I scored very well before that but after that I couldn’t and she would be very upset and would get angry at me. ‘
She smiled. With a lot of love thinking about her mother. And I just nodded. Tears were threatening to fall and I had a hard time to not let it fall.One of our friends came over and one lone tear went down my cheek but she had turned away for she was talking with our friend. The moment was gone. I looked at her. That carefree girl. That mature girl. And at that time I thanked Allah for giving me her. For giving me an opportunity to meet her. And then I joined at the pointless conversation that took place after that.
While I was going back home, I went through all that she told me again. Every word. Every moment and every breath with which she told me her struggle, her fight and her hope. Isn’t it ironic to what the teenagers these days are doing to their life? I thought about all those statuses where teenage girls blabbered about how they were depressed because they broke with their boyfriend. How they were unsatisfied and complained about almost everything that they were blessed with. Images flashed in my mind of those people who didn’t give a damn about their parents, of those people to whom insignificant relationships that were fragile to build their life upon were important than the pure relationship between their God and their parents. I imagined myself in Uddi’s place. How would I react? Would I be that strong? And that was when I realised how fragile I was. To be that strong, one needed a strong heart. And thats what is lacking the most now. Isn’t numerous suicides a good example enough? Even if it was anything as simple as a fight over channels, the first option that the teenagers today would choose was suicide. Was that just how much you love your life? Was that how you treat your gift from the Almighty? My dad looked at me when I sighed. I was near him but yet my thoughts were so far away and they were depressing.

After I went home, I prayed and I cried. I prayed. For everything. For a better tomorrow, for me, for her and for everyone.

People come and go. But she came and left her footprints in my heart. She was the most bravest girl that I had ever seen. And I loved her for that.

Now that everything is over. I still think over the last day when I hugged her. I hugged her like there was no tomorrow. And today I still see her smiling face in my dreams. Her little smile.

_____

Life is just not about the silly fantasies and unimportant relationships. What the teenagers must understand is how to learn to deal with real problems. What the teenagers must learn is how to be strong. To stand up strong whenever anything bad happens and deal with it head on. Life is all about being strong. And not hiding away.
You have an immeasurable power to make positive changes in your life. You have the choice to change. And you actually, owe it to yourself to change. So make a choice. Change. For the good.
 
And then the sun will shine upon you.
And remember,
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